Saturday, 8 September 2012

Lack Of Self Confidence Cripples You.

Let me tell you a bit about myself and why I was motivated to write this Article on Self confidence. i have been a girl with a very low self esteem, and this started a few years ago when i moved into Abuja, with my family. I started mixing up with different individuals and making new friends and also started dating. After being in a few failed relationships with guys, I started to feel something was wrong with me, cos I didn't understand why these guys couldn't keep a long term relationship with me, sometimes I wondered maybe i wasn't good-looking enough.
These thoughts and feelings made me loose my Self confidence. I started eating more often than usual i stopped taking care of me, I could stay weeks without having a goo hair do. I stopped believing in myself and I thought I didn't deserve anything good. Eating was all that made me feel good within, I didn't even care about what I wore or what the trend was. It even affected the way I relate with people, it got to the point that when I was asked out on a date by guys I couldn't look them in the face and talk, I got so shy and timid, I didn't understand that, that kind of behaviour was a turn off. All these happened because of my low Self esteem. I linked my self worth to all my failed relationships and that was so wrong. I have suffered this low self esteem for many years and believe people sense it once they start relating with me because all i do was complain about how things aren't going well for me, and all the difficulties going on around the country, I complain about everything and never say anything positive about myself or my surrounding. Whenever i have misunderstanding with some of these friends they use my insecurities against me telling me how miserable and frustrated my life was and what a jealous person I was. It would make me cry but at the end I blamed myself because, if I didn't complain they wouldn't have seen my misery. 

My low self esteem made me miss out on my social life, I'd rather sit at home all day in my sweatpants, than be caught hanging out with friends. I didn't fit in, I felt they were better than I am.
Although I have a Job and I'm paid well enough to take care of my need. I would rather spend my money or household items than spend it on doing things for myself, I feel guilty when I buy clothes or shoes for myself. I do all these not because I'm a nice person but because of my low self worth.  I hated compliments, I never believe them I always feel I'm being flattered when I get one. Instead of appreciating it i start telling you how cheap I got the outfit or how long I've had it.
This lack of Self Confidence has really set me back and deprived me of opportunity. 

Today I've decided to share my story with you, in the hope of reaching out to those who can relate to this and together we can work on this problem. The Question is,


Self confidence refers to assuredness in your own worth, abilities and power, regardless of the situation you are in. Someone who is self confident has a strong sense of belief and certainty in himself/herself. he /she exudes calmness, composure and is self aware.

Self confidence is often linked with possessing certain knowledge, skills or abilities, whether it is acquired or innate. While having aptitude in a particular area can help boost your  self worth, it is not a necessary prerequisite for self confidence. someone with absolutely no competency in something can still be confident.

People with low self-confidence Possess these Characteristics:-

They undervalue what they are capable of.
They take blame even when Its not their fault
They are overly shy and reserved
They Over criticise themselves
They Hang up to Negative Outcomes and Failure in the past
Having a fearful and Adverse attitude toward most things
They do things to please Others.

People with low self confidence tend to repel people around them. Because of their limiting mindset and their behaviours makes them feel heavy and a drag to be around. 
Lack of self confidence is a crippling trait because it often limits you in your opportunities and jeopardizes your chances of success.which leads to a self fulfilling prophecy.

Therefore, Having self confidence is clearly an asset to you in life.Not only does it put you in a better and more positive emotional and mental state, it also sets you up towards getting what you want.Having self confidence helps you to fearlessly pursue your biggest dreams.

How To Build Your Confidence back

1. Conditioning

Conditioning to impose the sense of self belief. Its an inside-out approach, where you adopt actions to induce confidence in yourself.
Some Steps to achieving this are;
Dressing : Dressing smartly, looking presentable, Having a clean and up-to-date look

Body Language : walking confidently, Speaking confidently, Being calm and composed, Holding your Head up, Having a good Posture and smiling.

Mental Techniques : Positive Thinking,Visualization of positive outcomes/scenarios, Focusing on your strengths rather than weakness, Repeating positive words to yourself.

2. Acquiring Symbols Of Worth
Working on the gaps that are making you feel low in self confidence. This the more practical approach to increasing self confidence.

self confidence is often linked with the possessing of certain knowledge, skill or abilities. Many people lack confidence because they feel they lack a certain competency.

Competency : in anything can always be developed by preparation, practise and experience.The key to developing competency is to engage in knowledge acquisition and repeatedly doing it to the point of specialization.

Attributes : such as level of attractiveness, Popularity, Grace and drive

Material Possession : such as the amount of wealth you own, car, property, luxury brands

Status Symbol : such as your academic qualification, your achievements or a Job title

Incidents Of success : such as winning a game, or situations where you emerge victorious

Depending on the symbol of worth that is relevant to you, you can acquire it to increase your self confidence.
But, the problem with acquiring symbols of worth to increase self confidence is the boost in self confidence on lasts as long as the symbols are valid. If they are removed from you or lose their relevance as a symbol of worth, your self confidence would change accordingly.

3. Working Directly On Your Belief Of what Represents Worth

This method addresses lack of self confidence directly at its core rather than working on the symptoms. 
While the previous two methods definitely help to  a certain extent and can be a quick way to boost your mental condition, they are typically short term and not permanent.
The actual root of your lack of self confidence is the belief that you need be those things before you can experience self-worth.

The only Requirements for self confidence is a sense of self belief.

The presumptions of what represents worth are largely due to social perceptions. All the belief that we need to have certain skills, certain behaviours, etc. to be confident have all been conditioned in the society, rather than being hard truths. 

The issues that need to be addressed is the attachment of these symbols with ones worth. All your beliefs on what represents worth can only be true if you allow them to be true. The key is to break the linkage between all externalities such as (past events, present level of skills, outcomes of events, others opinion etc.)with your own assessment of worth.

if you don't see competency as a representation of your worth, then it isn't.  

if you don't see money as a valuation of your self worth, then it isn't.

if you don't see attractiveness as what makes you worthy, then it isn't
remember these are merely external objects and not you. if you don't let it represent your worth, it wouldn't.

To Become a Self Confident Person :- whenever you see any circumstance where you do no not feel self confident  ask yourself ; why am i not feeling confident?

when you become aware of what you are linking your worth to, start releasing yourself of that limiting belief  that you can only feel worthy or confident in the face of certain prerequisites. when you do that, you will find yourself filled with a sense of self worth that is always surfacing regardless of what happens. You will find this self worth will be what leads you to outcomes you desire and you to become your greatest self.

Thank you for taking your time to read this. please leave a comment.

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